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Friday, December 29th, 2006
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11:56 pm
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I haven't posted in here in over a year, but I do still check my friends page pretty religiously. Don't delete me, or my tears will flow like a river.
I can see by the date of my last entry that many things of great consequence have happened since then. A play by play:
Ben is no longer my roommate as he left Ball State to eventually become a merchant of lung cancer. My new roommate is Ethan, who shares my love of making fart noises with our mouths at strange hours of the night.
I am still an English lit. major, with three semesters to go. This is, of course, assuming that I don't fuck any classes up and ruin my chances at graduating on time.
I am moving from Indianapolis to an apartment in Muncie this coming August, about eight months from now. I am conflicted about this, as I can't wait to live off campus, but I also hate Muncie with everything I am.
As shitty and awful and horrible and shitty as Muncie is, Ball State has gotten more and more tolerable as I have gotten away from core classes such as "History of the Western World" and "Walking and Chewing Gum 101." I'm starting to feel like I'm actually a part of a community of writers, and not like I'm part of a bunch of people being babysat by people with doctorates. This has also made it abundantly clear to me that I should stay away from creative writing, period. It's just not something I am good at.
Sean and I finally consummated our relationship. However, Sean couldn't break his ties with an international ring of jewel thieves. In an attempt to bring Sean back into the fold, I was kidnapped and used as bait. Sean broke into their hidden ocean base and tried to save me but, in spite of his best efforts, I was killed in the ensuing firefight and returned as a zombie secret agent crime fighter robot. I have laser guns for arms, in case you hadn't noticed. I'll fuck you up.
Ethan and I embarked on a mission fraught with peril to retrieve an assortment of priceless religious artifacts from a wealthy private collector. Upon arriving at his lair, we were terrified to learn that he had used these mysterious "Boy Meets World DVD Box Sets" to fuel his evil powers and declare himself a god. We used a combination of my rapier wit and Ethan' no-nonsense attitude to bring him down. I didn't even have to use the laser arms or my built-in pizza oven, which I forgot to mention earlier.
PS: I use the built-in pizza oven a lot (it makes really good paninis) just not to bring down the Boy Meets World-fueled supergod.
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| Thursday, December 22nd, 2005
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2:44 pm
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Pizza rolls are delicious, but they come at a terrible price...
I just burned the roof of my mouth so bad that it's blistering. Neat!
I'm still eating the pizza rolls though. What did you think I was going to do... not eat them?
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| Friday, November 25th, 2005
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1:47 am
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What the fuck why am I so stupid?
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| Wednesday, November 16th, 2005
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1:49 am
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Some complaints have recently been raised with my lack of LiveJournal updates. I, a servant of the people, must bow to these whiney complainers' wishes. However, they didn't specify that this entry needed to be funny, or good in any way.
I have actually come down with intense LJ writers block. This is especially irritating when you take into account that I am an English lit. major and should probably be better at things like this.
I am probably making a huge mistake by doing this, but I think everyone should start randomly calling my cell phone at inappropriate times.
The number is 317-459-6619
Try to call me while I'm in class!
Call at insane hours of the morning while my roommate is sleeping to wake him up and make him punch my face!
If you are a pretty girl call me and tell me how much you miss mel! (There are one or two particularly pretty girls who should do this more often as I'm starting to worry that we aren't the friends we used to be.)
Call and rub the phone on your butt and then laugh about it really hard!
All I ask is that you don't send me text messages. Those cost me money that I need for wholesome things like potato chips and doilies and stuff.
Even if you can't do anything funny, you should probably call me anyway and say hi even if we haven't talked on the phone before. If you don't I'll come to your house and sort of ineffectually kick at stuff and shake my fist around in a vaguely threatening way.
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| Monday, August 29th, 2005
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12:05 am
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I've only been back to good ol' Ball State University for about a week and a half, and I am already gravely pissed off. "Oh Paul, why are you so angry?" you might ask. Well, I'm going to tell you.
When you put your clothes in the community washer/dryer, set a fucking timer for yourself so you remember to go get that shit so that I don't have to waste my valuable time that I could be spending playing Marvel vs. Capcom 2 going back and forth between here and the laundry room to see if you've removed your totally awesome Tommy Hilfiger boxers or whatever the fuck.
( Because I am a progressive individual I've come up with several possible ways to deal with this problem. )
I hope we don't have to have this discussion again.
current mood:  righteous
current music: Dead Kennedys - Police Truck
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| Tuesday, August 23rd, 2005
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10:13 am
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The biggest mystery of all is waking up in the morning with one bloody finger.
What the fuck?!
Edit for the HURR HURR PAUL MAYBE U SHOULD STOP FINGERING UR BUTT crowd: I think it was from a nosebleed... Christ, I hope it was a nosebleed. It's just very mysterious. This is like Nancy Drew but with more sodomy overtones (I guess).
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| Monday, August 22nd, 2005
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11:06 am
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( I am a huge nerd. )
current mood:  groggy
current music: NOFX - The Desperation's Gone
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| Monday, July 25th, 2005
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7:48 pm
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the Cutting Edge
(56% dark, 43% spontaneous, 16% vulgar)
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your humor style:
CLEAN | SPONTANEOUS | DARK
Your humor's mostly innocent and off-the-cuff, but somehow there's
something slightly menacing about you. Part of your humor is making
people a little uncomfortable, even if the things you say aren't in and
of themselves confrontational. You probably have a very dry delivery,
or are seriously over-the-top. Your type is the most likely to
appreciate a good insult and/or broken bone and/or very very fat person
dancing.
PEOPLE LIKE YOU: David Letterman - John Belushi
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My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: | You scored higher than 84% on dark | | You scored higher than 26% on spontaneous | | You scored higher than 5% on vulgar |
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| Monday, June 27th, 2005
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8:27 pm
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This post exists for two reasons:
A) To exert that I still exist as a member of the LiveJournal community
B) To express my frustration that Sin City has not been released on DVD yet.
The latter of these prompted an investigation on my part. Using my finely honed sleuthing skills (I went to Amazon.com), I deduced that the DVD doesn't come out until August 16th. This revelation caused me to go on a rampage, destroying much of Indianapolis (I knocked a stack of Mountain Dew cans off my desk and swore at my dogs a lot). Utter pandemonium. ( Artist's rendition )
Ladies, if you're lookin' for a man who can take justice into his own hands, look no further. You've found him.
(PS: As an epilogue to one of my earlier entries about the beloved Cheesy Gordita Crunch... the Taco Bell by my house is under new management and now the CGCs suck real real bad. The restaurant may be cleaner and less disgusting, but I'd rather have a delicious unsanitary Cheesy Gordita Crunch than a clean, safe, subpar one. Also, Taco Bell stopped selling their Chicken Club Chalupas. Fuck Taco Bell.)
current mood:  suave
current music: The Descendents - Rotting Out
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| Tuesday, June 21st, 2005
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6:27 pm
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Sean is a piece of shit.
The game:
List five songs that you are currently digging. It doesn't matter what genre they are from, whether they have words or even if they're any good but they must be songs you're really enjoying right now. Post these instructions, along with each song's artist and title, in your blog. Then tag five other people to see what they're listening to.
1. Adolescents - Amoeba
2. A Global Threat - Filthy, Greedy, Guilty
3. NOFX - Lori Meyers
4. Voltaire - Almost Human
5. Dead Kennedys - When Ya Get Drafted
People:
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) starmilk
real_embrace
shutupcunt
partyduck
spoodicast
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| Friday, June 3rd, 2005
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7:33 pm
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| Friday, May 13th, 2005
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2:05 am
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I haven't taken the time to really update in a good long while, so I felt that now would be a good time to do so.
I wanted to talk about my one and only true love:
The Cheesy Gordita Crunch.
Throughout everything that has happened in my short life, the Cheesy Gordita Crunch has always been there for me. With the wonderful contrast of chewy gordita shell with crunchy taco shell, and the delicious cheese sauce, I can't see what my life would be like without it.
Once, the clerk at Taco Bell joked and told me that they were no longer being carried. This is not something you joke about. That is like telling someone that you just saw on the news that their best friend was in a terrible accident. It's way on the far side of being "uncool." Some things are just sacred, people.
Here is a picture I made of what I imagine the future will be like. The earth will be destroyed when nuclear war rips our society apart. All that will be left...
Mmm... Set phasers for delicious.
I don't wanna hear anything from any of you "wah wah quesadillas are better" fucks either. This is not up for dispute. Cheesy Gordita Crunches are the best things to ever happen to me, and none of you can take that away from me.
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| Friday, May 6th, 2005
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12:13 am
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| Sunday, May 1st, 2005
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7:03 pm
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Today I called a bunch of stores to try to find the new Ben Folds CD "Songs For Silverman." I was pretty eager to hear it, but I couldn't find it at Best Buy or Circuit City. I finally turn up a copy at Target. It's the regular 15-dollar dualdisc edition (one side of the CD is CD audio, the other side is 5.1 stereo DVD audio and videos and shit). Also in existence is a 20-dollar 2 disc set with a separate CD and DVD. They didn't have it at any of the stores I looked at, and I couldn't afford it anyway.
Anyway, I get the CD back to my dormroom and pop it into my computer. Nothing happens. I click "Play Audio CD" in Winamp... nothing. I look at it in Windows explorer... it says there's no CD there. I turn it over.. the DVD side works fine. So I try the audio side again.. nothing. This REALLY fucking pisses me off. Not only can I not listen to the fucking CD as a CD, I can't put it on my iPod either. What the hell happened to putting shit out on a regular goddamn CD? I don't give a fuck about "SPECIAL DVD EDITION OF BEN FOLDS PLAYING LANDED USING A RAKE HE STUCK UP HIS ASS." I want to listen to the CD.
I looked online to see if anyone else had problems with the Dualdisc bullshit and a lot of people had complained about this CD in particular. Every time someone complained, someone replied with, "If you were really a Ben Folds fan you would buy the 20-dollar special edition and you would be fine." Fuck that and fuck you for suggesting it. I didn't have enough money for this shitty non-working edition, let alone the super gold-plated leather-bound fucking diamond sunshine edition.
Hopefully I can find someone with a computer that will play the CD so I can put the songs on my iPod and then set the disc on fire.
current mood: irritated
current music: NOT BEN FOLDS THAT'S FOR SURE
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| Sunday, April 24th, 2005
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10:56 pm
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| Wednesday, April 20th, 2005
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11:22 am
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12:24 am
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Hey everybody. We're down to the final four in Sean's BUTT ROCK COMPETITION 2005. Your votes are now more important than ever. If you are my friends, please vote. I don't care if you don't think you're punk rock enough... do it anyway. Do it for your country!
http://www.livejournal.com/~endlesscolumn
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| Sunday, April 17th, 2005
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11:25 pm
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Everyone, Sean kidnapped my girlfriend and he has her tied up in his castle and he keeps holding his cell phone up to her face and I can hear her pained moans and cries for help. He said if you don't vote on his "Puck Ronk Battle 2005" he would throw her in the ocean.
Please think of my girlfriend.
http://www.livejournal.com/~endlesscolumn
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| Friday, April 15th, 2005
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12:15 am
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| Wednesday, April 13th, 2005
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12:11 am
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